Dads: Never Do This

For whatever reason, this morning’s Internet-recommended reading included a recycled Woman’s Day article titled “Top Ten Things Husbands Should Never Do.”  The (far-from-exhaustive) list included such nuggets as, “Never Give a Home Appliance as a Gift” (well, duh …) and “Never Brag About Your Driving” (look, if it’s the truth, it’s not bragging …)

The piece got me to thinking that there surely must be a comparable list of things a horse dad should never do.  For example:

5.  Never turn your back on a young, energetic mare.  Once while bringing in horses from the mare paddock, I made the mistake of giving a two-year-old too much lead rope.  She got excited when some other horses in the field started to frolic in the evening breeze and she flat bowled me over in her attempt to join in the merriment.  I got up, made sure no one was looking, dusted myself off and was just thankful I did not catch a hoof in the back of the head.

4.  Never pick a horse’s hooves.  Leave that to the experts.  I’m told there’s frogs in there.

3.  Never try to act like you know when a rider is on the wrong diagonal.  It is easier to identify the nuances of the Tampa 2 defense from the comfort of your couch than to spot an errant riding position even when you are sitting right by the arena.

2. Never buy a saddle off eBay.  Trust me on this.

1. Never use any barn implement smaller than a muck rake.  Nothing good can come from you having a riding crop in your hands.  We’ve already mentioned the need to avoid hoof picks.  And for Pete’s sake, even uranium-rattling Iran is a more stable situation than you with a worming syringe in your possession.

I’m sure there are at least five more things horse dads should never do, but I don’t know what they are.  Perhaps you do.